Life is a lesson

Okay so I have fighting myself wondering if I should even post this, then today I recived my blog book that I ordered from Blurb. Oh my Heck I love it. I love that is has moments that I have forgotten and things that I wish I would have forgotten. I love that I have it and in 5 years from now I will look back and be glad for the memories good and bad that I have written. The other thing is I am not a overly what you call a "Private Person" alot of things it is what it is and there is nothing that I can do about it. So after reading this If you are just dying that I would write what I am going to write then I am sorry in advance, it is not for you it is for me.
So about two weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. Josh and I could not have been more excited. I should have been around 7 weeks. So I called the doctor and I went in to get my HCG levels tested this was the week of Thanksgiving. You test them 48 hours apart and they are suppose to double well the day before Thanksgiving I got the results and they were exactly what they where suppose to be YEAH. I was feeling pregnant wanted anything spicy and the vinegar things like pickles, I know I am weird. We had told the kids and they were so excited, well Beckham not so much he has no idea. The week after Thanksgiving everything went down hill. I don't think details are to important other then I know that I was having a miscarriage. I was numb. I did not know what to think or feel. The worst day was Thursday when there was no dout that I not no longer pregnant. I cried on and off most of the day. I had some amazing people call and come over to send there thoughts and treats. The crazy thing is that I really felt fine. I had strong menstrual cramps. I still cleaned house and tried to keep as busy as can be to keep my mind off it. In the middle of one of my crying episodes. I thought how lucky am I that I get to have these feelings of lose and sadness. There and many women that have no idea what it is like to have a stick have 2 lines instead of 1. How lucky am I that I have three amazing healthy children to look at everyday and take care of. Then I got to thinking of my twin sister Janice. Who has to go to leaps and bounds to get a baby in her belly. How lucky am I that it was me and not her. I would rather it be me every time then her. Now this had better not become a habit of mine or anything. I hope it was just a fluke and this will just be a memory and a good learning experience. I will have to say I am sad I wish I was writing this announcing, but it is okay. Life is good and things happen what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right.
Now on a side note I did not write this to have you all feel sorry for me. Feel sorry for people that really need it. I am better then I thought I would be go figure. Oh yeah one more thing when we told the kids my sensitive Hunter stared crying. Sad huh. He wants another brother so bad. I am pulling for a sister my self but the fact that he wants another sibling to add to already hectic house darling.